I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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