You can't motorboat a personality
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
