honey bunches of taint.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
