I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
