you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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