Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Rumble strips road head = magical
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
