Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
