i will never coherently bang her
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
