So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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