no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
