oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
