how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
