Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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