o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
