i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no you cant smoke seaweed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
