Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
