I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
