ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
