Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
