I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
