I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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