just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize