They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize