this will be a night to untag.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
