I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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