can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
