My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize