dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
