He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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