Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
