I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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