Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We need to get me chipped asap
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
