I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
