I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
