she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
