just come out here and I will go home with you...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize