Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
