he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
