why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
