ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
