I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
