Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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