Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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