Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
