That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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