I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
