OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
