Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
