i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
where are you?
Hypothermia
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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