absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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