Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize