So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
