After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
