You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
