In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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