Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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