When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
