I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
