Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
