I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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