Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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