i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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