I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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