his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
