Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
