Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
