Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
