My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
