walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
