Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
