Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
