..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize