my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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