Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
